Orion Vick, Mind Freak

Orion and I really don't have much time together during the week. My commute home takes about an hour, so by the time we get home there's just enough time for dinner, a bath, and cup of milk while we snuggle and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse before he goes off to bed. If we have to stop at the store for anything, that time is even shorter.

I've been trying to think of cool things we can do in a very short period of time, so when it was clear that Orion wanted to walk through the park-like area between the tennis courts and the pool, I thought it would be nice to get outside together in the middle of the week. I left my groceries next to the car and followed his lead.

When we got near the pool, he started pointing and calling out "Pool! Pool!" (where do they learn this stuff?) In his excitement, he pitched his sippy cup right through the bars of the pool gate. I reached for the gate latch and found a padlock. Shit.

Down I went onto my hands and knees, hoping that my arm would reach the cup. When I finally dragged the cup back to me by my fingertips, I looked up to see Orion INSIDE the gate.

My first thought was, "How the fuck did that happen?" I was stumped. The gate was locked, and he'd been right there beside me while I pulled in his cup. Then I saw it. One of the bars of the gate was missing, turning two 4-inch gaps into one 8-inch gap. I called Orions name, and got the worst response I can imagine. He looked at me grinning ear to ear, waved, said "bye-bye", and bolted for the water.

While I yelled from the other side of the locked gate, Orion climbed into the water. He climbed down the steps and sat down with the water up to his waist. He splashed and played while I cried and screamed his name.

I assessed my options. I could climb the fence, but the fence was 6 feet tall and I'm fat and weak, plus I was wearing work clothes and shoes. Even if I got to the top of the pointed fenceposts, how could I get over and drop to the concrete patio below without breaking my legs? I could run back across the street and get the cop that lives above us. I could see his car in the parking lot, so I knew he was home. But, that option was no good because it meant taking my eyes off of my baby. Just imagine what could happen in those two minutes. You go ahead, because I sure don't want to.

Over the fence I went, scraping and bruising my legs on the posts as I went over. I ran over and grabbed Orion of the water, freaking him out to absolutely no end. After a little bit of planning, I got us both back out of there and back across the street to our apartment.

After the initial shock wore off, I was livid with the apartment management that they would leave the gate in such a dangerous state of disrepair. Had it been during buisness hours, someone would have had to bail me out of jail. I'm not generally violent, but I was about to get ugly. As it was, Dannon had to handle it on Friday while I was at work. He said that the manager was appropriately horrified and that they agreed to do something about it immediately. In this case "something" has meant that they've closed the pool and wrapped the gate up in caution tape. I guess that's good enough while they get a decent repair made.

Have you seen the little phrase about how having a child is to forever have your heart go walking around outside your body? Yeah, I always thought that was stupid. True maybe, but stupid. I totally get it now.

Have you ever had any close calls with your little one?

Orion on the Wagon

When I went to pick Orion up from the sitter's house today she said, "I hate to step on toes here, but have you thought about taking Orion off the bottle to sleep? My doctor said that the bottle should be gone by a year old. He's been going down for naps here without it just fine." OK...couple of things. First, YOU WORK FOR ME! I TOLD YOU TO GIVE HIM A FREAKING BOTTLE AND I EXPECT YOU TO GIVE HIM A BOTTLE!!!! Second, for real? He went to sleep without a bottle? You rock!

In all the press that Orion's horrible food issues have gotten (Gah! Yogurt. Who knew?) the fact that he's a terrible sleeper hasn't gotten much attention. By 10 months old, he was still waking up three times a night. Every time I put him down, it was a complicated dance of laying in my bed with him while he had a bottle, laying with him until I was sure he was asleep enough to move, and then walking across the house holding him like a 30 pound bomb. I don't even want to get in to the issue of putting him down witout waking him up. With the initial bed time I was doing this routine four times a night.

So when, at 10 months, he figured out how to hold his own bottle I took advantage that very same night. I walked him into his bedroom wide awake, put him in the crib, and handed him a bottle. Then I poured myself a glass of wine and climbed into the bathtub with a good book. I didn't care what the parenting books said, I had taken back the night. Soon after, Orion started sleeping through the night most of the time. When he did wake up, all we'd need to do is bring him a fresh bottle and he'd go right to sleep. Awesome, right?

The problem was that he had me figured out. Soon, it was taking two or three bottles to get him to fall asleep. Multiply that by naps, and he's drinking a cow-load of milk every day. He was drinking so much at bed time that he was peeing through his diaper every night. Plus, don't even get me started about his teeth. They're fine so far, but how long would that last with a mouth full of milk all night? Then consider that this means that he won't sleep in the car or the stroller and the choice starts to become clear.

So tonight, I let the babysitter convince me of what I already knew. It was time to drop the bottle Ferber style. Of course, tonight is the night when he figures out to tell me he's sleepy for bed by saying, "Ba, ba, ba!" over and over again. At bed time, I picked him up and took him to bed. He got the usual bed time routine...but no bottle. He looked confused. Before I could get to the door, the screaming started. For the first round, I screwed up and left him for 10 minutes. The next round, I got back on track and let him cry for five minutes. As we neared the 10 minute mark again for round three I posted to Facebook that he was still screaming after 26 minutes.

I hit enter. Then wait...I don't hear him. Let's give it a minute. No...still nothing. So now he's been asleep for 33 minutes after just 26 minutes of crying. Hell, sometimes it would take him that long to go down WITH a bottle.

If this is as easy as it would have been all along then, man, I feel like an idiot.