God Bless Dr Sears 2, Electric Boogaloo

I recently started sharing my blog post links on Facebook. So far, its been a safe way to dip my toe in the water as far as getting my stuff out there. The people reading it are predisposed to like me. They’re already used to my voice and the characters in my stories and are bound to be kind.

An unexpected result has been that people have been going back and reading my old entries from the end of my pregnancy and my early days of motherhood. The feedback has been positive, but I couldn’t help feeling a little nervous. I was getting three hours of sleep a night when I wrote that stuff, so I had no recollection what it was about. This led me to do something that I don’t advise anyone to do. EVER. I read my own archives.

I learned two things about myself. First, its impossible to write with proper spelling and grammar and with no typos when you are also working full time and caring for a growing fetus/infant. Second, I won’t fucking shut up about what Orion is eating. Holy shit! I even got tired of reading it myself. It’s a wonder that anyone else has tolerated that kind of crap.

The very worst part is that on September 7th, 2008 I wrote this:

“Dr. Sears tells me some shit I can do to feel like I'm helping (Give him some live and active cultures!) Dr. Sears even tells me all of this for free.”

And then on June 17th, 2009, I wrote:

“Our first shot at defeating the Yellow Poop of Doom was to change his bottle-beverage to Almond milk, which Orion loves because its sweet and expensive. At three days post-switch, it's not seeming to be good enough. We're now facing down the elimination of all dairy products from Orion's diet.”

Does anybody want to guess what after 15 months, zillions of poopy diapers, eight kinds of formula, four kinds of milk, and a box of gluten fucking free waffles has turned Orion’s poops into solid little balls that roll out of his diaper when I take it off?

Yeah, that’s right. Mother fucking yogurt.

Y’all, I’m married too a guy named Dannon.

I quit.

Therefore, I am calling an official moratorium on baby diet posts. You’re tired of hearing about it, I’m tired of writing about it, and it seems I’ve finally gotten out of my own way and solved the problem.