Home again, home again...

One day, a couple of months ago I had an epiphany. I looked around and realized that I'd been playing tough, but in reality I was a wreck.

The root of the problem was obvious. I had waited many years to have my first child, battling infertility and spousal indecsion to finally find myself with a three month old baby in July of 2008. I lived in a house that I loved and that Dannon and I had worked hard to get. We lived in Central Florida, our home, among friends and family. We loved our lives. I loved my life. So, of course I had to fuck it up somehow.

We accepted a transfer at work and moved, with only a month of notice, to Oklahoma City. A lot about the move looked great on paper, but quickly turned sour when we arrived. We found ourselves working impossible hours at an impossible task with impossibly cruel people. We were a million miles from home and a million miles from each other. Dannon and I barely knew each other, and our baby Orion was a stranger to both of us as we had no choice but to let the daycare raise him for us.

When I realized that I was daydreaming about things like cutting myself and suicide, I figured it was time to speak up. We had begun to hatch a plan that would get us out of Oklahoma City in an intellegent, well thought out way. Unfortunately, things came to a head and we found ourselved unemployed in Oklahoma at the beginning of April.

A few unexpected, but small, windfalls gave us enough cash to rent a truck and drive cross-country. From our swanky house in Oklahoma, we're back living in the same apartment complex we lived in when we were first married. We're financially ruined, and will be for years and years unless Powerball intervenes. There are still things that stress us out, like job searches and unemployment hearings, but we've already gotten back so much more than we've given up. We've got each other, we've got our families, and we're watching our son grow up. We're home again.

Home again.

Jiggity jog.

note: view my old, pregnancy and baby-centric thoughts at http://theorionnebula.blogspot.com/